20th January 2004

Before anything else, with regard to my previous Outpour, dated 15th January 2004, kindly note that although I may have sounded a wee bit suicidal (to some at least), let me clarify, that unless otherwise stated explicitly, I would be the last person on Earth to take the plunge. I do intend to, however, skydive sometime soon. To some, once again, there's no difference, and the debate may continue for all I care.

All righty then, I'm on the edge of a crucial exam and feeling all hunky dory. Microeconomics gives me the goose bumps, not because of the subject matter, but because of the non-academic tete-a-tete 'conversations' during lectures that border on the ludicrous and the brash. Remember the 'Mehendi Lagake Rakhna' girl? Well, this issue concerns the entire bunch of giggling fools (I say this lovingly and without contempt): The True or False issue with regard to whether 'Clothing is an Inferior Good'. Apparently, what I thought was her sorrow and disdain turned out to be MY nemesis when I realised that I HAD INFACT GIVEN HER THE RIGHT ANSWER!!! Now, most of you would wonder so what. Well, I had previously mentioned karmic consequences. Now that I probably helped her and the group achieve better grades than me, shouldn't I be swimming in positive karma times 5? Well, I haven't seen her since the test. Tomorrow is the exam. I have no vested interests, but I want my pride back, come coffee or no coffee.

Not all Outpours have a great moral ending. Neither do all of them try to pass on some wisdom. So those with expectations that are always sky high, please take the plunge.

-end-

Interlude

15th January 2004

There was always going to be a time to make a conscious effort, to move towards sanity as you all know it. I am going to find out whether all this time, it really was my intellect I was speaking to. It may feel zombie like in the beginning, but I hope the outpour can continue. It began with tears, and although it doesn't seem to be the end, it's crying anyway. It's a bold bold effort, and it may not last. I'm giving up a lot, but I promise and hope that if I cannot take it anymore, the good One watching above would pull me out and return me to my eccentric self, the self many of you failed to understand, and now won't have to worry about.

-end-

14th January 2003

Everything to me these days is a blessing in disguise. Well, most of it actually isn't disguised. For example, this glorious beauty in pink at the opposite terminal. In a more lighter vein though, I see joy on everyone's faces when I speak to them. How do I know they are really happy? Well, because I love myself, I allow others to love me. Because so many people finally love themselves the way they are supposed to, the rate at which all this genuine exchange of love-shove is going, the air might just turn pink. When it does, don't panic, the beauties in pink with their lovely warm smiles will still be there. In such a charged up environment, even a smile can do a lot these days... right guys?

-end-

9th January 2004

The root cause of worry lies deep, deep within the ground. That is, we don't know what it is or how it looks like. Those who claim to know are earthworms. So the next time you don't know why you are worried, thank God you are human.

Imagine a world without psychologists. Now imagine a world without earthworms. Now realise that both are one and the same. Earthworms dig deeper and deeper to survive. Psychologists do the same with the human mind to earn a living.

With all due respect, I'm pretty stressed with my exams right now, but you have to hand it to me. Coming up with this insane theory. That's why they say never leave the mind to wander too far, to soar too far or to dig too far.

Unless you're in advertising.

-end-

1st January 2004

As the sun sets quickly on the first day of the New Year, I reflect on the weather at the stroke of midnight last year, a thunderous and magnificent lightning blue sky peppered with multi-coloured fireworks. An hour later, I was outside, and managed to soak in the romance of the street-lit raindrops for a few fleeting moments, before I was whisked away. An empty, curving road, and before I can wonder, another thunderous roar as I am blinded by the headlights of an oncoming car. I feel light and invincible. I want to stay put in the centre of the road. But common sense outlasts the moment, and I am whisked away, in another car, to a familiar place called home.

This morning, as I was cleaning up my room, I came across something I wrote on the 23rd of October last year:

For the purpose of future elaboration... The Twin Paradox


1) I can't get enough of the moments I have spent with you, although I'm aware that the larger my recollection, the more I may lose within the realms of space and time

2) Is my creative urging the reason behind my descent to the nascent level of human emotion or is it the mere consequence of a fundamental desire to fall in love and/or actively seek it?

Please don't spend too much time pondering over the above if it baffles you. It baffles me as well. It didn't back then, but such is the nature of romance. You can never understand it perfectly all the time. But if any one of you does understand, do let me know.

-end-