23rd May 2004

I am thinking of gentle, kind nurses. Loving, warm smiles and their infinite magical healing touch. The last time, I consoled myself with poetry. Now, I really need superhuman will to cook properly. And not to daydream, and feel fear, as if someone needed to hold my hand with reassuring eyes to calm me down. I am jumping with anxiety, anger and frustration. Well, not actually jumping. Jumping inside. Yes someone needs to hold my hand. Not to lead me outside to play, but to my desk to study, while the food gets prepared. But I am also thinking of playing football. More than the gentle, kind nurses. Because they won't let me.

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