1st September 2007

When he went blundering back to God,
His songs half written, his work half done,
Who knows what paths his bruised feet trod,
What hills of peace or pain he won?

I hope God smiled and took his hand,
And said, "Poor truant, passionate fool!
Life's book is hard to understand:
Why couldst thou not remain at school?"

By Charles Hanson Towne

I'm not going to write about suicide but the poem beautifully compares Life to a school and a book that must be read and understood. I feel it is more about being reminded because we know the book inside out while in the womb. I am thinking of meditation, taking time out, but this time with a clear conscious intent. And not meditation as I had previously envisaged it to be. A mixture of definitions from so many people I got disinterested. I am also going to move beyond the strong philosophical premise, which I still believe in, that meditation is a 24 hour thing, i.e. constant integrated awareness. I am thinking of actually taking time out, deliberate, clear intent at visualisation and rest. Of lying back, eyes closed, with focus on breath and a distant light getting stronger. I am thinking of meditation that will remind me, irregardless of what I am going through, of something consistent, that never changes. Of a state in which fear and doubt are replaced with faith and promise. A physical deliberate act of taking time out can do wonders. But this time, you are not blundering back to God. You are walking on a path you are familiar with. At the conscious level, I get plenty of rest and energy. At the unconscious level, I am calmer and free.

Life's book is not hard to understand. But to read it, you must close your eyes.